Our prayer from the beginning of this has been that God would do what's best for their family and for ours. It continues to be so.
(Later, I'll post some reflections)
(Later, I'll post some reflections)
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
a Brief Update
My goal was to blog about the adoption, from start to finish. I didn't think the finish would come before the adoption. On Friday, the birth parents informed us that they are calling the adoption off. They believe they have a chance to keep the child and have decided that they will risk Child Protective Services taking the baby into foster care in hopes they will one day get her back.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Desperation: the Motivation of Abortion and Adoption
She was thinking about an abortion. Something I've realized recently is that almost no woman wants to have an abortion. In nearly all cases, desperation, fear, hopelessness, shame and pain surround everything about abortion. This is not to excuse the seriousness nor the wrongness of such an act. All life has value. Whether unborn child or radical religious terrorist. We are all created in God's image and bear an innate value.
But its not like most women wake up, take a shower, put on a nice dress and drive casually to the abortion clinic.
Imagine that you have struggled with four kids, all under 6 years old. One is a new born. You're out of work, recently married and he too is out of work. You live in a small and broken apartment. You do not have food and bathroom essentials. Your kids are a mess and you don't know where last month's rent is going to come from much less how this month's rent will appear. You suffer from depression and anger management issues and three of your kids are in therapy.
You just had your kids taken away by the state and getting them back looks impossible. You have come undone and don't know what to do next. And then you miss your monthly visit from Aunt Flow.
Fear, desperation, hopelessness, reinforced by a culture that make it easy to remove responsibility, causes you to consider abortion. But long forgotten Sunday School lessons and a love for the children you already have bends you towards reconsidering. It's wrong. Life, this life has value. Maybe there's another way.
The second we heard she was pregnant and considering an abortion, my wife and I instantly said, with no hesitation, that we would take the child. We did not consider the cost (and there is a considerable cost that we'll go into later). It was immediate and unified. We'll take the child.
The cool thing is...there were no less than a half dozen other people in our church that said the exact same thing! This family had support. They had love from a family of believers that wanted to demonstrate grace, generosity, kindness and a spirit of adoption that reflect exactly what God is like. We did not judge her that abortion was being considered but rather valued this family and this new child. Wanting the best for them. Demonstrating what bearing God's image meant.
The reality is...abortion is not mankind's greatest sin. That is not what separates us from God. It is easy to see people's messy sin when its clearly visible. Its easy to judge and condescend. It's easy because we can see their sin in high definition clarity. But what people do is not what separates. It's what we are. We violate a Holy God. We are sinners by nature. Apart from God, we are all fearful, desperate, hopeless.
We are all walking abortions. But we have a Father that wants to adopt us. Give us meaning, value, life. Adoption is one of the most beautiful relationships one can have. We were once unloved, unwanted, un-valuable. God, through love and grace, makes us lovable, wanted and valuable. Bren and I were desperate to "save" this child. God is "desperate" to adopt us.*
We know what our adoption as Christians looks like. But what would it look like for us to adopt someone?
*By desperate, I don't mean that God has to adopt us. But rather that His desire to do so is so strong that He is willing to sacrifice even His son to reconcile us to himself. It looks desperate to us and when you realize that He did it because he wanted to and not because we deserve it, it makes it truly an amazing gift of grace.
But its not like most women wake up, take a shower, put on a nice dress and drive casually to the abortion clinic.
Imagine that you have struggled with four kids, all under 6 years old. One is a new born. You're out of work, recently married and he too is out of work. You live in a small and broken apartment. You do not have food and bathroom essentials. Your kids are a mess and you don't know where last month's rent is going to come from much less how this month's rent will appear. You suffer from depression and anger management issues and three of your kids are in therapy.
You just had your kids taken away by the state and getting them back looks impossible. You have come undone and don't know what to do next. And then you miss your monthly visit from Aunt Flow.
Fear, desperation, hopelessness, reinforced by a culture that make it easy to remove responsibility, causes you to consider abortion. But long forgotten Sunday School lessons and a love for the children you already have bends you towards reconsidering. It's wrong. Life, this life has value. Maybe there's another way.
The second we heard she was pregnant and considering an abortion, my wife and I instantly said, with no hesitation, that we would take the child. We did not consider the cost (and there is a considerable cost that we'll go into later). It was immediate and unified. We'll take the child.
The cool thing is...there were no less than a half dozen other people in our church that said the exact same thing! This family had support. They had love from a family of believers that wanted to demonstrate grace, generosity, kindness and a spirit of adoption that reflect exactly what God is like. We did not judge her that abortion was being considered but rather valued this family and this new child. Wanting the best for them. Demonstrating what bearing God's image meant.
The reality is...abortion is not mankind's greatest sin. That is not what separates us from God. It is easy to see people's messy sin when its clearly visible. Its easy to judge and condescend. It's easy because we can see their sin in high definition clarity. But what people do is not what separates. It's what we are. We violate a Holy God. We are sinners by nature. Apart from God, we are all fearful, desperate, hopeless.
We are all walking abortions. But we have a Father that wants to adopt us. Give us meaning, value, life. Adoption is one of the most beautiful relationships one can have. We were once unloved, unwanted, un-valuable. God, through love and grace, makes us lovable, wanted and valuable. Bren and I were desperate to "save" this child. God is "desperate" to adopt us.*
We know what our adoption as Christians looks like. But what would it look like for us to adopt someone?
*By desperate, I don't mean that God has to adopt us. But rather that His desire to do so is so strong that He is willing to sacrifice even His son to reconcile us to himself. It looks desperate to us and when you realize that He did it because he wanted to and not because we deserve it, it makes it truly an amazing gift of grace.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Blessings
Christmas is about blessing. The first Christmas blessed us with Emmanuel...Jesus...God with us. If God is the type that blesses and if we are created in God's image, then it stands to reason (and the Bible bears this out) that we ought to be about the business of blessings others. So when Christmas neared in 2012 our small group (appropriately named City Group Awesome), decided we wanted to pick a family, adopt them and demonstrate what God is like by blessing them for Christmas. But our goal was not to simply provide gifts but share life, the Christian life, with them.
One of our "family"* members had already had a family in mind. The parents were young and just recently married. Both were unemployed at the time and had 4 kids under 6. There was a 5 year old girl, an almost 4 year old boy, a 2 year old girl and a new born baby boy. The new born was the only child they had between them. We invited them for dinner with the whole group and had presents waiting for them when they arrived.
They were overwhelmed and freaking out. The husband had a history of drug abuse and completely skittish. The mother was prone to anxiety attacks. I had to coax her to actually come inside convincing her that no one would bite. The kids had no problem though and within seconds had properly and thoroughly ravaged the house. It was great.
Our family instantly loved them and did whatever they could to make them feel welcomed and at home. Though they only wanted to stay for a few minutes (at first); they ended up staying for a couple of hours. When I dropped them off at home later that evening, they asked if they could just leave the car seats in the van so they could go to church on Sunday. Hmmmmmm...let me think about it.
They've been to church several times. The mom comes far more often than the dad. Two or three of our family members have regularly had dinner with them and invited them to events. I've seen her cry after messages in church knowing that God was working on her. She even took communion once and though it turned out to be one time thing, I really believe God is working on her.
About 5 months ago, CPS took the kids away. It was heartbreaking. The mom showed up in church the next Sunday and I watch as all of our female family members from City Group Awesome hugged her, cried with her, prayed over her. In the weeks to follow, when court hearings came up, nearly every one of our ladies were there, either sitting next to her or right behind her whispering prayers, speaking Gospel truth and demonstrating Christlike love.
Our prayers were always the same: Lord do whatever is best for the family but no matter what, we want to see their greatest need resolved!
The truth is...it doesn't matter if someone has a drug problem or lacks hygiene or lives on welfare or had kids out of wedlock or lives in a nice house or goes to church every Sunday or looses their kids or has diabetes. None of these are anyone's worst problem or greatest need.
It would be easy to pass judgment on them because their sin is noticeable. We can easily see the results because there is a mess right before us. But their need is just as great as our need. Only we hide it better. It makes us soft to the grace we been shown. It makes us comfortable with God so that we take our salvation for granted. I am certainly guilty of this.
We love this mom and dad. We want good for them. We want them to know Jesus.
Nine months ago, we met them at Christmas. Five months ago, their kids were taken away. About three months ago, she found out she was pregnant.
So this Christmas, or just a little after, she is to have another new born. Only this time she didn't see it a blessing...she was it as a burden.
She was thinking about having a abortion.
*"Family" from now on will just be family. If you haven't experience what church family is like then you should visit our City Group. They are the best forgiven people I know. But I'm not biased.
One of our "family"* members had already had a family in mind. The parents were young and just recently married. Both were unemployed at the time and had 4 kids under 6. There was a 5 year old girl, an almost 4 year old boy, a 2 year old girl and a new born baby boy. The new born was the only child they had between them. We invited them for dinner with the whole group and had presents waiting for them when they arrived.
They were overwhelmed and freaking out. The husband had a history of drug abuse and completely skittish. The mother was prone to anxiety attacks. I had to coax her to actually come inside convincing her that no one would bite. The kids had no problem though and within seconds had properly and thoroughly ravaged the house. It was great.
Our family instantly loved them and did whatever they could to make them feel welcomed and at home. Though they only wanted to stay for a few minutes (at first); they ended up staying for a couple of hours. When I dropped them off at home later that evening, they asked if they could just leave the car seats in the van so they could go to church on Sunday. Hmmmmmm...let me think about it.
They've been to church several times. The mom comes far more often than the dad. Two or three of our family members have regularly had dinner with them and invited them to events. I've seen her cry after messages in church knowing that God was working on her. She even took communion once and though it turned out to be one time thing, I really believe God is working on her.
About 5 months ago, CPS took the kids away. It was heartbreaking. The mom showed up in church the next Sunday and I watch as all of our female family members from City Group Awesome hugged her, cried with her, prayed over her. In the weeks to follow, when court hearings came up, nearly every one of our ladies were there, either sitting next to her or right behind her whispering prayers, speaking Gospel truth and demonstrating Christlike love.
Our prayers were always the same: Lord do whatever is best for the family but no matter what, we want to see their greatest need resolved!
The truth is...it doesn't matter if someone has a drug problem or lacks hygiene or lives on welfare or had kids out of wedlock or lives in a nice house or goes to church every Sunday or looses their kids or has diabetes. None of these are anyone's worst problem or greatest need.
It would be easy to pass judgment on them because their sin is noticeable. We can easily see the results because there is a mess right before us. But their need is just as great as our need. Only we hide it better. It makes us soft to the grace we been shown. It makes us comfortable with God so that we take our salvation for granted. I am certainly guilty of this.
We love this mom and dad. We want good for them. We want them to know Jesus.
Nine months ago, we met them at Christmas. Five months ago, their kids were taken away. About three months ago, she found out she was pregnant.
So this Christmas, or just a little after, she is to have another new born. Only this time she didn't see it a blessing...she was it as a burden.
She was thinking about having a abortion.
*"Family" from now on will just be family. If you haven't experience what church family is like then you should visit our City Group. They are the best forgiven people I know. But I'm not biased.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
MIDDLE [age] DAD pt 0
What Are We Thinking?
The plan was for me to go to school full time while Brenda worked. I would get a teaching degree and then we would start having kids. That was 18 years ago. Four months after we were married, we learned that birth control is not always effective. Two and a half years after that, we found out that 2 forms of birth control will not stop pregnancy if God wants you pregnant.Two boys, 3 years of marriage and no teaching degree. But if we would have waited, then we would never have had kids. Brenda has has 5 or 6 miscarriages since our youngest was born. We both wanted one more, a girl preferably. When it became clear that Bren could not maintain a viable pregnancy, we thought naturally about adoption.
But time and money never seemed to line up. Today, at age 42, we picked up papers to begin the adoption process.
And I'm freaking out...
(...to be continued...)
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